Carnival Splendor Senior Cruise Director John Heald shares with his readers his experiences from the ship like only he can.

Below is a snippet of his post, read the full entry at John Heald’s blog.

SMOKE ON THE WATER – PART 1

Megan walked towards me, the soft glow of moonlight radiating of her naked bottom. Her eyes met mine and I knew that it wasn’t Brad or George or Johnny that she wanted……oh know……….I knew that it was me that her heart was beating for. I motioned her to come to me and she walked seductively towards me and soon her naked body was lying next to mine and she knew that she was about to have the best 3 minutes of rumpy pumpy she had ever had. Megan looked at me and then in the most sensuous of voices said……..”ALPHA TEAM, ALPHA TEAM ALPHA TEAM, DECK 0 ENGINE CONTROL ROOM.”

I awoke with a start and it took me a few moments to get rid of the thought of my idol’s bottom and realise what announcement I had just heard. It was 6:05 am and the officer on watch had just called for Alpha Team, the emergency code for our fire squad to go the engine control room. It was 6:05 am, this wasn’t a drill………..oh f**k!